Attention media: An eclipse is not news. It’s the opposite of everything news should be. Scientifically, it’s GUARANTEED to happen exactly as predicted. And other than the length of the eclipse, it’s guaranteed to happen in the exact same way it’s been happening for hundreds of years. In a sense, it’s one of the most boring, least newsworthy events of all time.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at the CNN article. It features all the trademarks of a fake news story, including a meaningless history lesson (“in some cultures, legends and folklore surrounds eclipses”) and random quotes from random people (“Astronomy enthusiast Louis Chung, 13, brought his teacher to the school to witness the eclipse. ‘City folks wouldn’t usually be able to see this,’ said Chung”).

The nonsensical reporting on inevitable natural events has me pining for the days when the media’s attention was foolishly lavished on inevitable political events.